The Cat in the Hat

“I’ll get you, and it’ll look like a bloody accident”

Review by Lewis Goodall

Anthropomorphic cats… now I have your attention. Humans and cats shouldn’t really mix, weve seen this with the new cats film, but they shouldve looked back in time to this film and realised that it is one of the single most terrifying creations that is shown in cinema. Please Hollywood, if you’re reading this, please dont give anymore cat/human hybrids, we dont want this, even if you do get Mike Myers to play then, just dont.

Cat in the Hat, gonna make this a short one because I dont really feel like living this nightmare twice over. It’s the story of a couple of brats who are asked by their mum to not mess up the house while she is at work because she has an important party in the evening which could define her career. The kids are fine to start but then satan himself arrives in the form of a cat with a hat. They start messing up the house and boy does it get messy. It’s a tale of having fun but not too much fun because then you’ll wreck the fucking sofa and mummy will be annoyed and get fired. Pretty much sums up the film.

I’ll give this film one thing. Its had some pretty good set design. Being based on a Dr.Suess story, it had to take some hard work to reimagine his twisted and colourful world from page to screen and I’ll give them that, they nailed it. The town of Anville, the houses, cars, shops, clothes were all perfect replicas of the Dr.Suess style, so kudos to them for caring about that.

Everything else in this film is a dead body away from a snuff film. I’m exaggerating, its wasnt as bad as I thought it would be but it was still pretty darn pap. It was stressful more than anything. If you havent seen it then you wont get the reference but this film is like Mother! But for children. Unwanted guests come into your house and trash the place, it was a nightmare.

The characters of the children, I can’t remember the girls name but she was played by Dakota Fanning which was cool, her brother, Comrade was just a cringey, annoying little brat who needed his pudgy little chin kicked into place. The whole film their mums boyfriend (played by Alec Baldwin) is trying to get him to go to a military school and I for one was on his side! Finally Mike Myers as the cat in the hat. For some reason he had a New Yorken accent and he looked horrendous. I tried to look past the makeup and see Mike Myers but it was far to distracting and terrifyingly unfunny apart from maybe once or twice.

Overall th film is a shambles, I watched it because I’ve heard it more of a horror film and I would agree. There were a few moments that actually made me laugh but that was twice out of many many many times this film tried. I know it’s for kids but I also have a heard time believing that considering g how much of a LSD trip it is.

4 Crablocks out of 10

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